it sounds like a bad joke

[watchesthewatchers]

A genius and a spy walk into a grocery store.

Comments

[profiteering]

"You know, you're right. You've been doing excellent work. And it's been a while since I revisited your payroll. You're probably due for a bonus, even."

[watchesthewatchers]

"That's encouraging to hear."

Steering them now for the condiments. Olive oil, peanut butter, the last few things, though their cart is already heaping.

[profiteering]

Tony eyes their findings when they've reached the checkout.

"This looks like we've got one hell of a week ahead of us."

[watchesthewatchers]

"Most of this will keep. I intend for us to visit regularly."

He informs him, peacefully, like it's all already been decided.

[profiteering]

Tony normally bickers for the sake of bickering when things he owns are in the mix. But this means Peter's really enjoying it, so he grins, and nods.

He pays for the groceries, signs the slip Iron Man, and gives the bagger a tip to put the groceries in the car for him.

"You drive, I want to eat these." Crackers.

[watchesthewatchers]

"Yes sir."

He agrees, with filthy professionalism, slipping into the front seat. Butter wouldn't melt in his mouth, as the bag boy loads them up.

[profiteering]

Tony waves at the kid lazily, then breaks out into laughter when they're alone.

"My God, you're good. Scary good. How do you people learn that? I thought I had a good poker face."

Except Tony really doesn't. He's good at poker; he's terrible at hiding things if you know what his usual eccentricities are.

[watchesthewatchers]

"It's sweet that people have let you think that."

Peter answers, smiling at him.

"Come on. Let's go."

[profiteering]

"Ass."

Flicking crumbs at him, then pulling his seatbelt on.

[watchesthewatchers]

"Probably."

He agrees, unperturbed.

"I thought we might find a lake today."

[profiteering]

"Are you a swimmer?"

He taps the dash, and gets them directions from JARVIS to the nearest secluded lake.

[watchesthewatchers]

"I'm passable."

Laughing.

"There are worse out there."

[profiteering]

"Me, too. If I start to go under, feel free to pull me out."

He laughs and drapes his arm out the window.

[watchesthewatchers]

"I'll save you."

He promises, and then they're driving again, fast enough that heads turn.

[profiteering]

"That's all I need to know!"

He offers him crackers after a particularly tight turn.

[watchesthewatchers]

He reaches out and plucks one up, smiling at the road ahead.

"I could forget misery, here, like this."

[profiteering]

Tony looks at him, touched in spite of himself.

"We'll have to keep you here as long as possible, then."

[watchesthewatchers]

"I'll stay as long as I can."

He decides, heart swelling.

[profiteering]

Tony reaches over and ruffles his hair, but slowly, more affectionately.

It's very easy not to think about London, or the Circus, or SHIELD out here.

[watchesthewatchers]

"I mean, if you'd have me."

A shy tilt into Tony's touch.

[profiteering]

"Oh, you're not going anywhere."

Until he has to.

[watchesthewatchers]

He smiles, and is back to driving, looking like the cat that got into the cream.

"Swimming, then."

[profiteering]

"Nude, obviously. I'm not ruining this suit."

And it's not like he needs an excuse to get naked. There are dozens of YouTube videos of him wandering around in the buff--usually drunk, but not always.

[watchesthewatchers]

"I can do nude."

He murmurs.

"But home first, these are perishable."

[profiteering]

He rejects a call from Fury.

"We'll need towels, too. Not a big fan of dirt sticking to my back."