it sounds like a bad joke

[watchesthewatchers]

A genius and a spy walk into a grocery store.

Comments

[watchesthewatchers]

"Yes sir."

He agrees, with filthy professionalism, slipping into the front seat. Butter wouldn't melt in his mouth, as the bag boy loads them up.

[profiteering]

Tony waves at the kid lazily, then breaks out into laughter when they're alone.

"My God, you're good. Scary good. How do you people learn that? I thought I had a good poker face."

Except Tony really doesn't. He's good at poker; he's terrible at hiding things if you know what his usual eccentricities are.

[watchesthewatchers]

"It's sweet that people have let you think that."

Peter answers, smiling at him.

"Come on. Let's go."

[profiteering]

"Ass."

Flicking crumbs at him, then pulling his seatbelt on.

[watchesthewatchers]

"Probably."

He agrees, unperturbed.

"I thought we might find a lake today."

[profiteering]

"Are you a swimmer?"

He taps the dash, and gets them directions from JARVIS to the nearest secluded lake.

[watchesthewatchers]

"I'm passable."

Laughing.

"There are worse out there."

[profiteering]

"Me, too. If I start to go under, feel free to pull me out."

He laughs and drapes his arm out the window.

[watchesthewatchers]

"I'll save you."

He promises, and then they're driving again, fast enough that heads turn.

[profiteering]

"That's all I need to know!"

He offers him crackers after a particularly tight turn.

[watchesthewatchers]

He reaches out and plucks one up, smiling at the road ahead.

"I could forget misery, here, like this."

[profiteering]

Tony looks at him, touched in spite of himself.

"We'll have to keep you here as long as possible, then."

[watchesthewatchers]

"I'll stay as long as I can."

He decides, heart swelling.

[profiteering]

Tony reaches over and ruffles his hair, but slowly, more affectionately.

It's very easy not to think about London, or the Circus, or SHIELD out here.

[watchesthewatchers]

"I mean, if you'd have me."

A shy tilt into Tony's touch.

[profiteering]

"Oh, you're not going anywhere."

Until he has to.

[watchesthewatchers]

He smiles, and is back to driving, looking like the cat that got into the cream.

"Swimming, then."

[profiteering]

"Nude, obviously. I'm not ruining this suit."

And it's not like he needs an excuse to get naked. There are dozens of YouTube videos of him wandering around in the buff--usually drunk, but not always.

[watchesthewatchers]

"I can do nude."

He murmurs.

"But home first, these are perishable."

[profiteering]

He rejects a call from Fury.

"We'll need towels, too. Not a big fan of dirt sticking to my back."

[watchesthewatchers]

"And to find a private one."

His own phone rings. Peter is responsible enough to pull over, to answer it.

His eyes go wide.

[profiteering]

"Oh it's private, JARVIS wouldn't lie--"

He breaks off at Peter's expression, and wonders if maybe he should stop screening his own calls.

"What's wrong?"

[watchesthewatchers]

"Aliens have invaded, but from the sounds of things, it's under control?"

Forehead creasing.

[profiteering]

"How under control? In your country or here?"

He's learned some protective instincts over the years. Especially where aliens are concerned.

[watchesthewatchers]

"In a SHIELD holding cell."

He parrots for Fury.

"So we're fine, but answer your phone next time, Stark."